So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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