dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she woke up with a sticky ear
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
