Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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