My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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