Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
