new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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