Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
