dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
