i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
