does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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