Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
