Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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