having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
