I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
