I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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