A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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