why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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