And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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