I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
