i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
