You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
