He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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