I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize