Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
