Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
