barbara walters just said penis...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
