Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
