I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
