I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
