i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
