I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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