She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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