Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
