I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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