May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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