I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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