When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
