dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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