I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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