I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize