You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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