omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
