I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
