Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
