My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
