I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
