She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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