He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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