Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
