accomplished twins. life is a go
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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