i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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