i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
