y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
