sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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