The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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