dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
