I wish I only lived at night.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
