Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize