i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
