someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
