I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
