what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
