I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
