im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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