Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
