I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize