the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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