and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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