hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
