her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I touched a dick in church today
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
