Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
