Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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