Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
