Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
